WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s lawyers have called for the dismissal of his impeachment trial on the ground that they will never get paid.
Speaking to reporters in Washington, Trump’s lead attorneys, David Schoen and Bruce Castor, said that they had a “moment of lucidity” when they realized that their chances of Trump ever paying them were nil.
“We were pulling an all-nighter rewriting this brief, and we kind of looked at each other and said, ‘We’re not gonna get paid for any of this, are we?’ ” Schoen said. “From that moment on, we felt like a couple of dopes.”
The two lawyers said that they racked their brains trying to remember why they had agreed to defend Trump in the first place, given that they would most likely wind up stiffed.
“I guess I thought it would be historic to be involved in the second impeachment trial of a President,” Castor said. “But what would truly be historic is if Donald Trump paid his lawyers.”
