PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—A defiant Donald J. Trump is urging his supporters to follow him on Facebook Total Landscaping, a new social network he has created.
“Facebook Total Landscaping will be the biggest social network in the world, way bigger than what that loser Zuckerberg came up with,” he said. “No one’s on Facebook.”
Trump said that his new social-media platform, which will operate out of a parking lot outside Philadelphia, will be run by his former attorney Rudolph Giuliani, “so you know it’s going to be terrific.”
“Rudy’s out buying a computer right now,” he said. “He had to replace the one that the F.B.I. took last week.”
Boasting about his social network’s explosive growth, Trump said that he had already friended Donald Trump, Jr., Eric Trump, Ivanka Trump, and Jared Kushner, and was waiting to hear back on a friend request to Melania Trump.