And Tom Brady, of course.
Here’s everything you need to know about this year’s game so you can immerse yourself in the momentary illusion that everything is fine and the only thing to worry about is what potato chip ad will pop up next.
Super Bowl LV (that’s 55 for you non-Romans) will kick off at 6:30 p.m. ET on Sunday, February 7.
It will be broadcast live on CBS. You can also stream the game on CBSSports.com, the CBS Sports app, or other streaming devices like Amazon Fire TV, Roku, Hulu and any device that supports CBS All Access.
Where is the Super Bowl being played?
This year’s championship is being held in Tampa, Florida, at Raymond James Stadium, home of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The stadium is also known as “Ray Jay,” and sources tell us fans actually do call it that! We thought it would be like “Hotlanta,” where if you actually said it they’d laugh you out of the city.
What teams are playing in the Super Bowl?
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be playing the Kansas City Chiefs in a garish red-on-red matchup that’s sure to shave the top layer of your cornea clear off. If you have colorblind vision, this one may prove difficult. The game will be historic because it’s the first time a team will be playing in its home stadium for the Super Bowl. (Super Bowl host cities are decided years in advance and have nothing to do with the actual fate of the teams from a given season.)
Does the stadium have a boat in it?
Don’t the Tampa Bay Rays have a tank full of actual rays in their baseball park? That also feels pretty Florida.
What players should I know about?
One of the big storylines this year will be of crabbed age and youth. They cannot play together. Youth is full of pleasance. Age is full of wheat grass and mindfulness incantations.
In the role of crabbed age, we have Tampa Bay quarterback Tom Brady, who is 43 (normal in human years, ancient in football years). Youth will be played by Patrick Mahomes, the 25-year-old quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs. Mahomes is also the guy from the Allstate commercials, and Brady is the figure that looms at the foot of your bed whenever you have a night terror.
Wasn’t Tom Brady on the Patriots?
But just like that, they’re headed to the Super Bowl, and their New England expatriate looks like he’s Benjamin Buttoning harder than ever. Who’s laughing now? Not Tom Brady. That would disrupt his chi. The only people laughing are the folks that operate those pirate ship cannons, and whoever thought up the unforgivable Bucs pun, “Tompa Bay.”
Are there any other players I should know about?
Who’s going to win?
What’s the deal with the Super Bowl halftime show?
The Weeknd will be headlining the halftime show, and there’s all kinds of speculation over what the vibe of the event will be. After all, the stadium will have only about 25,000 people in it thanks to the pandemic, and there probably won’t be any screaming and carrying on.
How about the ads?
Go ahead, take a look!
OK, who should I root for?
Football fans are definitely looking forward to this matchup. Young buck against old Buc! Super Bowl Champion against, well, Super Bowl Champion! There’s really no way to lose. That’s another fun fact to ruminate on: This Super Bowl pits the last two Super Bowl Champions together. So no matter who wins, the victor will be racking up multiple rings, and the loser can go hug their most recent Lombardi Trophy for comfort.
I’m interested. But I don’t want to just be interested, I want to be ENAMORED. Which team’s logo is more likely to seduce me with a single look?
Definitely Tampa Bay. No, not the skull holding the football! (Unless you’re into that.) It’s Bucco Bruce, the old Tampa Bay logo, that will really get you.
Oh, hi. 😉
