Nowadays, it looks like everybody is anxious about their privateness on the Web. Mega-companies are taking individuals’s information and promoting it to the very best bidder, making billions within the course of. And, frankly, we at Ernie’s Shoe Restore would like to get in on the motion.
Positive, we’re not the largest cobbler within the St. Louis space, however we’ve collected some fairly candy information that we’re sure company America will need a piece of. As an illustration, we all know exactly what number of of our prospects had their loafers shined final month.
It was seven.
Full disclosure: we’re not 100 per cent clear on methods to promote person information for revenue, however we’re engaged on figuring it out. Our son Ronnie is stopping by this weekend to select up his dust bike, and he’s fairly good at computer systems. I’m certain he’ll assist us design an enormous data-mining operation with tentacles extending throughout the globe. Final time, he confirmed us methods to do emoji!
Look, we get that Fb has a near-comprehensive world database of facial-recognition analytics, however we are able to let you know who within the better St. Louis space likes wingtips. Then you may hit them with some focused adverts for extra wingtips! You already know, assuming they need a second pair of wingtips. Appears a bit pretentious to us, however, hey, we’re oxford people.
What we’re providing isn’t just a few unwieldy information dump that takes a whole lot of man-hours to sift by. Quite the opposite, we are able to pinpoint particular people and let you know every little thing you ever wished to find out about their shoe preferences. As an illustration, James Lankford wears measurement 11s, and he has arch issues. He additionally not too long ago purchased an odor-fighting insole, in order that tells us both he or his spouse has smelly ft.
There’s much more information about galoshes the place that got here from.
Simply so you realize, not all of our gross sales information is out there on-line, as a result of we print out our receipts and retailer them within the workplace. However, in the event you slip us a couple of additional bucks, you may take a look at the shoebox the place we preserve them whereas we’re out on our lunch break. We’ll inform Sharon that you just’ll be there, so she received’t make a fuss. You may even make copies on the pharmacy subsequent door! They’ve obtained a Xerox machine that does shade copies when it’s not on the fritz.
But it surely’s not simply shoe-related information. We additionally promote belts! So we’re sitting on a treasure trove of details about how our prospects preserve their pants up. In the event that they haven’t purchased a belt, then, logically, they have to use suspenders, or some type of pulley system. Until they only roll the cube every day that their pants received’t fall down. However, if that’s the case, they’re in all probability too reckless to market merchandise of any type to.
Nonetheless not satisfied? Then it’s time to sweeten the deal. We share an workplace with a tailor and typically overhear the seamstress speaking on the cellphone to cloth wholesalers. That’s proper, she discusses every little thing from garment lining to needle preferences. And also you’d higher consider we all know which prospects choose up their dry-cleaning with out bringing their ticket.
The main points will blow your hair again.
On the off likelihood that you just’re not considering our information, nonetheless, simply know that there’s no higher place than Ernie’s to select up alternative shoelace casings. They’re referred to as aglets, and so they’re priced to maneuver!
