Pricey college students,
It has come to my consideration that, final night time, a big group of first-years selfishly put in danger the very factor that so lots of you need from Ponderosa College—specifically, an in-person, residential school expertise. We knew there’d be dangers returning to campus throughout a pandemic, and that’s why you all signed the up to date Code of Conduct, which enumerates our newest security protocols. Nevertheless, plainly the administration didn’t adequately anticipate the complete vary of attainable pupil leisure actions. So let me be very clear: from this level onward, all so-called heavy-breathing events are formally banned.
Though a couple of a long time have elapsed since I graced the hallowed pathways of Ponderosa U. as a pupil, it was nonetheless fairly a shock to be taught that heavy inhaling shut proximity to 1’s friends could possibly be thought of a pleasurable pastime. The very notion that first-year college students would discover it enjoyable to assemble in a small room, stand very shut to 1 one other, and, as campus safety described the scene, “quickly breathe forwards and backwards into one another’s mouths” confounds me.
Then once more, I don’t get TikTok, both. However I do get this: respiratory so quick in another person’s face that you just hyperventilate is likely to be enjoyable within the quick time period to some, but it surely presents a long-term danger to all.
Regrettably, I acquired a second report, about how, after the heavy-breathing get together was shut down, an extra group of first-year college students gathered on the quad to take part in a sport of “Share the Backwash.” I don’t want to enter the main points of this sport’s weird guidelines; suffice it to say that any ingesting sport which entails a whole keg of beer and thirty college students however one way or the other solely one pink Solo cup is a extreme security violation. For the love of hygiene, I’m begging you to manage yourselves.
And, sure, I need to additionally tackle the different incident that occurred even later within the night with a fair bigger group of first-year college students in a fair smaller house. Our investigation into who organized the mix “Screaming Karaoke Plus Foam Dance Social gathering” within the basement of Quenton Corridor is ongoing. That basement just isn’t nicely ventilated, even at one of the best of instances. Turning it right into a moist atmosphere the place persons are shouting tune lyrics right into a shared microphone? Completely irresponsible. You’d have been higher off simply sharing a beer bong. (Talking of which, please cease sharing beer bongs. I could also be outdated, however I understand how to look #SharedBeerBongChallenge on Instagram.)
We’re additionally preëmptively banning the next actions: mud-pit kissing cubicles, face-to-face streaking, guide beach-ball-inflation relays, two-lick contact soccer, and improv-comedy troupes (not due to COVID-19—it’s simply time).
Given what we noticed on campus final night time, I’m strongly contemplating making courses on-line solely and sending you all residence. However, for now, I’ll go away it at this: a stern warning, which is the harshest sort of warning that our Board of Overseers permits me to provide.
Sincerely,
P. James Radkowski
Dean of First-12 months Scholar Life
