WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House has quarantined Mark Meadows after the chief of staff tested positive for honesty.
Out of an abundance of caution, Meadows will be secluded in a locked room in the White House sub-basement through November 3rd.
As part of his quarantine, Meadows will be socially distanced from microphones, cameras, phones, and all other recording and transmitting devices.
A White House source said that other staffers were “shaken” by the news that Meadows had been infected by honesty.
“This is why you shouldn’t talk to journalists,” the source said. “Mark probably caught it from one of them.”
Although other members of the Administration have yet to be tested for honesty, an official White House statement said that the American people should “rest assured” that Donald J. Trump and Mike Pence are totally asymptomatic.
