NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In the first major bombshell to emerge from the handover of Donald J. Trump’s tax returns, the Manhattan district attorney has announced that the former President claimed Senator Ted Cruz as a dependent.
Speaking to reporters, Cyrus Vance, Jr., said that listing the Texas senator as a dependent was “highly unorthodox, to say the least.”
“For this deduction to be allowed, we would certainly need some documentation proving that Mr. Trump had adopted Mr. Cruz, or something to that effect,” Vance added.
From his home in Palm Beach, Trump issued a terse rebuttal to Vance’s statement. “Ted Cruz is my little baby, and everyone knows it,” Trump said.
The tax imbroglio turned a spotlight on Cruz, who was suddenly under pressure to clarify his legal relationship with the ex-President.
“If it turns out that I am, in fact, Donald Trump’s little baby, that will be the greatest honor of my life,” Cruz told reporters.
