NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump will be reinstated in August as President of Trump University, according to one of his supporters.
The loyalist, Harland Dorrinson, told reporters, “Donald J. Trump will be reinstated as President of Trump U. and will be teaching students how to get filthy rich in real estate by Labor Day.”
Dorrinson said that skeptics who claim that Trump cannot be reinstated because Trump University ceased to exist in 2010 “don’t know what they’re talking about.”
“Trump University still exists,” he said. “In 2010, it was chopped up into pieces, packed into suitcases, and stored in the basement of Trump Tower. When Donald Trump says the word, all the pieces will be put back together and Trump University will be exactly like it was before, only better.”
Stating that “August is going to be amazing,” he also predicted that Ivanka Trump would be reinstated as C.E.O. of Ivanka Trump Shoes.
