WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Infuriated by his lawyers’ miserable performance on the first day of his impeachment trial, Donald J. Trump has replaced them with his two adult sons, Eric and Don, Jr.
Although neither of the Trump boys has a law degree, Don, Jr., called their lack of legal education “our secret weapon.”
“All Dad’s lawyers talked about yesterday was the effing Constitution!” he said. “It was effing boring! No one cares about that bullshit!”
For his part, Eric Trump said he had “no intention” of cracking any law books before serving as his dad’s attorney.
“I’ve never read a book in my life, and I’m, like, super successful,” he said.
Don, Jr.,’s girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle, expressed optimism about the Trump boys’ performance as defense attorneys. “THE BEST IS YET TO COME,” she predicted.
