WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the election results “historic,” Donald J. Trump declared victory over Republicans in Georgia.
“They said I didn’t have a chance, but I beat those Republicans like you wouldn’t believe,” Trump boasted. “This just shows why you should never underestimate Trump.”
Trump detailed his “keys to victory” against a well-established Republican machine in Georgia, crediting his months of attacking G.O.P. officeholders and the validity of elections in the state.
But he said that his appearance in Georgia on Monday might have been decisive in sealing his win over the Republicans. “I felt like I needed to make one final push,” he said.
Trump said that his “amazing victory” over the Republicans in Georgia should “silence the doubters” once and for all. “I’ve still got it,” he said, beaming.
