Pricey Worker,
On behalf of the federal authorities and the Republican Occasion, I wish to thanks in your dedication to the USA Postal Service. Some may say that the work you do is indispensable to the democratic course of. As you nicely know, the united statesP.S. is not only an unbiased company empowered by the Structure: it’s additionally a household. And, like several household, we do precisely as we’re informed by the President of the USA.
Immediately, I’m happy to share with you some up to date greatest practices for mail supply. The timing of those modifications in fact has nothing to do with the 2020 election being largely determined by mail-in votes.
Firstly, there can be no extra Precedence Mail. Mail is now not a precedence to the U.S. Postal Service. In the event you discover a piece of free mail, don’t decide it up. If you would like, you possibly can kick it beneath some leaves, or into the gutter.
If a stamp just isn’t completely degree or aesthetically pleasing, return to sender.
Snow, rain, warmth, and gloom of night time shall now completely keep you from the swift completion of your appointed rounds.
As a cost-cutting measure, working additional time and/or making extra journeys to ship mail are actually prohibited. The much less postal work you do, the upper your chances are high of receiving a promotion. For instance, I used to be as soon as a mere mega-donor who had by no means even set foot inside a submit workplace, and now have a look at me!
In response to overblown issues concerning routine mailbox removals, we’ll now be including extra mailboxes to streets all throughout America. These new drop factors, nonetheless, can be decoys, and it’s as much as the shopper to know that are the actual containers.
In case your mail truck will get misplaced, broken, or stolen, that’s completely O.Ok. In actual fact, it’s inspired.
Mail carriers now have the choice to finish their routes by way of bicycle.
Mail carriers now have the choice to not full their routes.
Professionalism can also be now non-obligatory. Carriers could proceed to greet civilians with a pleasant demeanor and heat smile, or they might select to swear, spit, blow smoke in civilians’ faces, and drink excessively whereas on the job.
Don’t concern your self with the twenty-three senior Postal Service officers I just lately “displaced.” It’s best to as an alternative be busy displacing mail!
In the event you see any envelopes addressed to my spouse, please ahead them to Canada, the place President Trump promised she’ll function Ambassador as soon as I’ve completed “bettering” the united statesP.S.
Be extra Zen in your method to the job, which must be extra in regards to the journey than the vacation spot. We worth peace of thoughts greater than any piece of mail, so be at liberty to take breaks, detours, essential components from letter-sorting machines—take something in any respect so long as you don’t take the mail too significantly.
Lastly, if you happen to encounter a chunk of mail that could be a poll, and the stamp smells prefer it was licked by a liberal, discard it.
By now it is best to know that I’m not some profession postal employee with “expertise” and “information.” I’m right here to shake issues up! And sooner moderately than later, as I could very nicely be doing one thing else come November.
God bless the united statesP.S. I hope this letter doesn’t discover you nicely.
Worst,
Louis DeJoy
Postmaster Common
