ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—In a sign that Republicans’ war on the carbonated beverage could be backfiring, a new poll of Georgia’s voters finds Governor Brian Kemp losing overwhelmingly to a can of Coca-Cola.
According to the poll, which has a margin of error of four points, seventy-one per cent of Georgia voters preferred a can of the fizzy drink, while only twenty-three per cent chose Kemp.
Although the can of soda predictably performed better than Kemp when voters were asked which was more refreshing, it also bested the incumbent governor on the question of “Who cares more about people like me?” by an impressive six-to-one margin.
Speaking to reporters, Kemp issued a bellicose warning to his new political rival. “All I can say to Mr. Can of Coke is, be careful what you wish for,” he said. “You’ll recall that our voting law criminalized water. If I can do that to one liquid, I can do that to you.”
