LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY (The Borowitz Report)—Merrick Garland is sitting in a parked automotive in Mitch McConnell’s driveway, hoping for a gathering with the Senate Majority Chief, Garland has confirmed.
Garland, who has been sitting in his Nissan Sentra in McConnell’s driveway since Monday, mentioned that he’s “inspired” by current developments indicating that Republicans have modified their minds about confirming a Supreme Courtroom Justice throughout an election 12 months.
“Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham thought it was a horrible concept in 2016, however for no matter cause they’ve actually come round,” he mentioned. “All I can say is, taking part in the ready recreation is about to repay large time for one Merrick Garland.”
Garland, who has not seen McConnell enter or depart his dwelling for the reason that decide first parked his Sentra within the driveway, was baffled by hypothesis that the Kentucky senator has been hiding in his kitchen to keep away from an encounter with him.
“That makes zero sense to me,” Garland mentioned. “If I’m going to be confirmed earlier than the election, we’ve acquired to get happening this factor.”
