WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Mitch McConnell urged the nation’s largest corporations to follow his example and not get involved in governing the country.
Speaking to reporters, the Senate Minority Leader said that he “could have easily used my position over the years to make the country a better place, but I have wisely resisted that temptation.”
“Whether it was giving Americans affordable health care or passing stronger gun laws, I have been careful not to influence the government to accomplish things,” he said. “I wish corporations would follow my lead.”
He urged the C.E.O.s of major companies to spend a day with him in Washington to “see how getting nothing done is done.”
McConnell cut short his remarks to reporters, saying that he had to return to his office to get to work on not improving the country’s infrastructure.
