WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With less than a week until Election Day, Jared Kushner has asked his father to bribe his way into the Electoral College.
Noting that Charles Kushner donated two and a half million dollars to Harvard before his son was accepted, Jared pointed out that his dad “might have to pony up more this time around.”
“The Electoral College only accepts five hundred and thirty-eight applicants,” he reportedly told his dad. “Even Lori Loughlin couldn’t get her kids in.”
In addition to persuading his father to “make it rain on the E.C.,” Jared said that he was putting together a “stellar” application.
“I’m pretty sure I can get a letter of recommendation from Bob Woodward,” he said. “We had an awesome interview.”
Between his father’s “Benjamins” and his own “rock-star status,” Jared said that his admission to the Electoral College should be “a lock,” arguing, “How can they turn down the guy who ended the pandemic?”
