He rarely texts and hasn’t responded to your messages in more than four days.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
He didn’t ghost you—he’s just struggling to catch up on more than a hundred and fifty years of technology. And, to be fair, it takes even the sharpest adult at least a week to learn how to send a GIF, despite the fact that a baby can intuitively navigate an iPad.
He always cuts your time together short.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
Really, he would love nothing more than to spend all day with you, wandering through Central Park and trying some vile boiled meat called a “hot dog.” But he’s got a thing he has to go do (figure out how he was transported a hundred and fifty-four years into the future and how to get back home to stop his greedy stepbrother Hamish from taking over his family’s estate).
He never invites you to meet his friends or family.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
He’d totally introduce you to his friends and family—even Hamish—if only they weren’t back in 1867. Blazes! His mother would love you. He is definitely not hiding you!
You don’t really know much about him.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
He’s afraid of upsetting the fragile nature of the space-time continuum if he reveals too much about the past. Being vulnerable and opening up to you about his childhood in the Cornwall countryside could destroy the universe!
He’s more interested in his phone than in paying attention to you.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
He has never seen such a magic rectangle before! Of course he’s more engrossed in his iPhone than in hearing about how you flubbed your big presentation at work today. Oh, the pain he could inflict upon Hamish with this little thing.
He flirts with everyone.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
Apparently, that’s just how people were back then? It’s called “chivalry.” He was probably only chatting up that buxom twenty-year-old barkeep and asking for her magic-rectangle number because of manners.
He says he’s not interested in a relationship.
Answer: Time traveller from the late eighteen-hundreds trying to navigate the perils of modern life.
Because, eventually, he has to go back—to 1867. And long distance never works, temporal or otherwise.
He disappears into a portal back to 1867 London.
Answer: Not that into you.
Wow. You totally would have moved for him, not that he asked. The lengths some men will go to get away from you.
