COVID SaferSchools App Question No. 14: In the past two weeks, have you attended a high-risk gathering? “High-risk gathering” is defined as one that has EITHER of these features: takes place indoors OR has a duration of more than two hours.
Dear Head of School,
This morning, we answered a question on the COVID SaferSchools App honestly, and our answer elicited a flashing Red Stop Sign. This means that Trevor and Scarlett cannot return to school, despite their recent negative COVID tests. Our family places a premium on honesty and we do not think Trevor and Scarlett should be punished for that.
We hadn’t seen Granny Mabel and Grampy Henry in more than thirteen months—and it was Granny’s eightieth, and we didn’t want to miss another important birthday. We planned to sit outside, but Hurricane Jeremy had other ideas. Fortunately, we had a solid backup plan.
We intend to keep answering the app questions candidly, which means that the kids will continue to get the Red Stop Sign for the next two weeks. Respectfully, the COVID SaferSchools App has no nuance.
Trevor and Scarlett’s beloved grandparents travelled a long way and quarantined in a hotel for many days before coming into our home for five hours, which the App considers “high risk.” But I don’t think that it was and I don’t think it should disqualify the children from attending school, and here’s why:
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Granny and Grampy are both fully vaccinated. My husband and I have received our first shots. Everyone in attendance tested negative for COVID beforehand. The kids are not vaccinated, but we kept them on the other side of the room, separated from the adults by thick Plexiglas.
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We only hugged one another twice—once when the grandparents arrived and again when they left. Before both hugs, we suited up in full P.P.E., including N95s covered by cloth masks covered by face shields.
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We never removed our masks, even while eating and drinking. It turns out that you can puree anything—even pizza and birthday cake. You just need sturdy straws.
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We printed current photos of the bottom half of the kids’ faces on their cloth masks so that Granny and Grampy could see what they look like now without them ever having to lower their masks.
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In addition to double masks and face shields, Granny and Grampy wore old sweatsuits over their actual clothes on the plane. Once they disembarked, they removed the sweatsuits, placed them in paper bags, and burned them in metal trash cans in the airport parking structure.
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We couldn’t open windows, because of the hurricane, but we kept fans going for the duration of the visit. Each family member had his or her own megaphone so that Granny and Grampy could hear what we were saying despite the threefold challenge of masks, gale-force winds, and pride that has prevented the purchase of much-needed hearing aids.
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We placed hand-sanitizing stations on the porch, inside the front door, and throughout the house, along with signage laying out our “no excuses” hand-sanitizing policy.
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Granny and Grampy had exclusive use of the porta-potty, which we installed on the front lawn so that they never had to use a bathroom inside. The ties that we used to keep the porta-potty from blowing away proved to be useful handrails.
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Everyone signed a waiver before we gathered. We documented the entire event with the help of our smart doorbell, which we only recently discovered has been conspiring with our smart smoke detectors to track our every move. This means that the birthday celebration has been recorded from multiple angles—so you don’t have to take my word for it, there’s proof.
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The night after Granny and Grampy left, we fumigated the house and slept in our car.
If the COVID SaferSchools App weren’t so unyielding in its rush to judgment, I’m sure it would understand the great pains we took to make this special gathering safe, fun, and variant-proof—and it would agree that Trevor and Scarlett deserve the Green Light to return to school!
I don’t want to name names, but there are families who are obviously not answering the app questions honestly, and I would be more than happy to discuss that offline.
Sincerely,
Trevor and Scarlett’s Mom
