WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In his first official act as President of the United States, Joseph R. Biden signed an executive order restoring Obama-era spelling rules.
The order, which had been widely expected, brings the United States back into the community of spelling-observant nations after four years as a pariah state.
According to one provision of the order, the letter “I” will, in most cases, return to its traditional position before the letter “E,” except in those instances when both letters are situated after the letter “C.”
Biden critics at Fox News wasted no time in denouncing his “blatant pro-spelling agenda,” calling the mandate “overreaching” and “divisive.”
“Joe Biden is telling the rest of us that there’s only one way to spell—his way,” Tucker Carlson said. “My friends, it’s going to be a long four years.”
Carlson’s attack appeared to have little effect on Biden, who later signed an executive order banning the random capitalization of nouns.
