WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what might be the boldest initiative of his Presidency, Joe Biden announced that he would strive to cut Carlson emissions by as much as ninety per cent by 2025.
Underscoring the urgency of his proposal, Biden observed that Carlson emissions, even when compared to other notorious polluters like Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham, were especially toxic.
The President’s ambitious plan, which includes retrofitting the nation’s televisions to automatically change the channel when Carlson appears, is unlikely to garner Republican support, but Biden remained undaunted.
“We owe it to our children and grandchildren to do this,” he said.
