Why did the chicken cross the road?
The answer was right there, if she would only put two and two together. But, after six hours locked in the chicken coop, my daughter was no closer to grasping the basics of avian psychology.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired. Also, I took away the kickstand, but if you get tired of holding your bike up all by yourself, honey, I can always sell it on eBay.
“I’m hungry!”
“Hello, Hungry. I’m Jigsaw. Hope you can solve this pantry puzzle before you starve to death!”
Who’s got two thumbs and no empathy?
What did the buffalo say when his son went off to college?
“Bison. As soon as you can figure out how to rebuild that carburetor, I’ll be happy to drop you off at your dorm.”
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven taught six that the only way to win a man’s approval is by negating her own self-agency in order to conform to the man’s egocentric value system.
“Dad, can you put my shoes on?”
“I don’t think they’ll fit me. Also, we’re both going barefoot until you’ve successfully tanned the leather for the replacement soles on your Keds.”
“Dad, can you put the cat out?”
“I didn’t know it was on fire! Anyway, it’s probably too late for Mittens. But, if you study the fire extinguisher closely, you still might be able to save your little brother.”
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting daughter.”
“Interrupting daughter wh—”
“ ‘Wah wah wah! Daddy, I’m hungry! Daddy, my basic emotional and physical needs aren’t being met.’ Now do you see how selfish it sounds when you interrupt Daddy’s sudoku time?”
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick. Also, these baked beans that I have dumped on top of the divorce papers your mom served me.
