Review: The bathroom is clean and bright, equipped with all the essentials!
Decoded: Truly, just the essentials. I guess, technically, you don’t need a designated faucet for the tub. You can use a showerhead to draw a bath. It just takes longer. Bonus: the tap water was incredibly hard and gave both me and my boyfriend a new greasy-and-sticky hair texture to experiment with!
Review: Their bed has the fluffiest pillows we’ve ever slept on. . . .
Decoded: Too fluffy. Little to no support. We had severe neck and shoulder pain after just one night’s sleep.
Review: We really felt at one with nature in this secluded gem.
Decoded: There were very rambunctious and active squirrels in/on the roof that woke us up at seven each morning.
Review: Our hosts were so sweet and quick to respond to all of our messages.
Decoded: Soon after our arrival, the sink started making persistent grunting sounds, which were quite disturbing. When we checked in with our hosts about the issue, they responded within two minutes and said, “Oh, yeah, that’s the water filter. Totally normal. Thanks for asking!”
Review: We barely left the living-room couch. It was so cozy and inviting!
Decoded: No matter how high we set the thermostat, the place was still absolutely freezing. We spent the majority of the weekend on the couch, swaddled in blankets. Not the worst way to spend a weekend, but we would have appreciated it more if this had been a choice.
Review: The kitchen stove was very quaint. Our own private cottage!
Decoded: The electric stove was a bit finicky and totally slanted. It was pretty difficult to gauge its true temperature, and my boyfriend, who is typically a rice whisperer, repeatedly made soupy grains. Another night, we filled the entire home with smoke while making a steak. Good thing the home clearly didn’t have a smoke alarm installed! We would’ve set it off many times!
Review: This serene getaway is just what my writer’s block needed!
Decoded: I didn’t get an ounce of work done during the stay—what with being glued to the couch to generate as much body heat as possible and all—but these complaints were incredibly inspiring and fun to relay! And, for that, I’m giving this place five stars.
